The Tinder Backlash
Ebs writes about a minor backlash against the social experiment – how we’re taking advantage of the situation and shaming men for their sexist and sexualised attitude.
“…While I value individuals having their own opinion on things, as a woman navigating a world where men feel entitled to me and my body, I can’t say I share this opinion…. Moreover, the gall of men on apps like Tinder who are blatantly on there to get sex is just appalling. While I recognise a lot of women are consenting to this, and hey consensual sex is cool, opening a conversation with “wanna fuck?” or “Ar you horny?” doesn’t necessarily fill me with a whole lot of remorse for my writing, tweeting and screencapping [….] I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you don’t want your shit to be called out on social media, don’t put it on social media. It’s as simple as that.” < Read more of it here>
From my end, there have been a few people who have asked me if I have a social obligation to blur the boys’ faces and many have also too pointed out that I am taking advantage here. While world of Tinder is online, it’s also an accessible and public space. People on the streets take photos of public spaces. People in very public spaces takes photos all the time. It’s also an open secret, that people screenshot funny and WTF Tinder moments and share it among their friends. Tinder themselves are farming our data and making note of our social and dating habit. Most likely they are selling that information to companies who are willing to ‘get’ us. We’re providing open information and stories from a female’s perspective. Hint, hint gentleman, it’s like a detailed list of ‘what not to do’. Unless you want to come across as a perverted asshole – please take note and follow these douche-like examples. It’s not like we’re hiding our experiment, we’re doing it in a openly frank manner. Did you see our twitter stream? It’s absolute hoot. We shine the light on a space that is saturated with douchebaggery. While we’re at it – Let’s just giggle together and point out the obscenity of over-sexualised men who demand casual sex.
Day 14 – 15
Location: Western Sydney (Paramatta)
This morning, I was chatting to a fellow-Tinder and for the first time I hesitated. “Would you like to go for a run?” he asks.
I stopped and continue to hesitate for the next couple of hours. I rocked up to Parramatta and than I got distracted by a few friends – they ended playing Tinder for me. L-designer, young 20something and a graphic designer, relationship status: Not single. L-designer felt like he shouldn’t be using the app (smart choice) but was curious to see the game interface. Like many others he has many things about the popular app.
Seriously, what with married guys and guys in relationships, are they using me to play their own games of shit’n’giggles? Not that I mind, it’s always nice for guys to play it from a female’s experience. If they are lucky they get to see the full impact of douchebaggery. So, L-designer plays and within a 6km radius, we found a winner. Within moments, L-designer get super angry, laughs, gets astounded and jumps on Facebook to find the dickhead who messages to ask “Do you like them thick or long”
We didn’t find the dickhead in the end. This is just a tiny glimpse of the overwhelming douchebaggery found on Tinder.
Our other friend, J-coder, older 20something, married and a geek in the tech world. He asks me: If I did had tinder, what profiles would be considered acceptable? He promptly shows me his Facebook photos. I’m a big believer of profiles picture, you can tell a lot by the person through the photos they share. Even the Tinder founders believed that great photos showing interesting are key to deliver a high success of getting swiped to the right.
See this cupcake profile story; it really emphasises what a good profile pic can do.
With a simple profile description saying “Intelligence is sexy”, I became friends with P-Sydney. We quickly build rapport over sports and food. It helps that he wasn’t sleazy and we been having open and frank conversation. Interestingly, P-Sydney has come from my first batch of random-selection of Y-N-Y-N-Y-N-Y. From what I’ve gathered, he recently broke up with his previous partner, he is on Tinder and maybe another few dating sites – he is interested in meeting new ladies and is open for new experiences. I feel like he on a self-discovery journey.
Anyway, I hesitated. I didn’t really say yes, neither did I say no. It may be the case, that the invite is still left open But I did end up telling about my 30 day experiment. I even offered to let him read my blog. He chose to wait my 30days and read it. Nice guys do exist.
So yes, people there are a ray of hope in the bullshit world of Tinder.